As i joined the flow exiting the underground Logan Square station, taking the mandatory gaze at my blackberry once reception was a reasonable assumption, I found myself taking my standard westbound walk down Wrightwood Avenue.

As I walked at my normal pace i slowly but steadily became aware that i was slowly and steadily gaining on the walker in front of me. The walker in question was another man (who in my time during the walk I had time to analyze must have been cold (because he too in a bad assumption of the weather dressed inappropriately (it was a short sleeve t-shirt with a puffy vest))) who was walking with the tell-tale white earbuds of his iPod showing. My pace being ever so slightly faster than his, I (and he) became aware that I was going to overtake him.

The problem being that I was, at the current velocity, going to overtake him at such a slow fractional amount that we would be forced to walk practically alongside each other for a minimum of a quarter city block.

Of course i realized this was unacceptable, the discomfort in trying to decide if a platitude was necessary alone being worth finding a way to avoid the striding of togetherness with a stranger. I decided I only had two options available to me. Slow down and walk slower than I wished to avoid overtaking him, or kick in the gumption and achieve a pace that will pass him quickly and efficiently. Knowing that I would have to maintain the pace for some distance to appear as though this was my natural rate, I increased to a believable city stride. Just as my new rhythm allowed me to see a pass occurring at any moment a slight something caught my peripheral vision.

Impossible.

I was being overtaken too.

He was a much taller man than myself, and as a result had a natural advantage in his long legs and per stride distance coverage being greater than my own. As I turned to look at my own passer, becoming a passee as I was attempting to be a passer myself I saw the look on my passer's face and quickly did the math. This poor gentlemen had been caught in the exact same conundrum as myself, and in his own attempt to distance himself from me had been caught in my increased pace and was now forced to practically walk alongside me! The cruel irony. This situation was completely unacceptable and all parties (3) knew it.

In a move of physical investment to the situation the tall man (my passer) increased his speed yet again. He was now noticeably walking too fast for someone not engaged in an activity requiring a number to be safety pinned to one's back.

I maintained my slight increased pace, and within a few house's distance we had shuffled positions, but were maintaining a socially acceptable distance from one another. The tall man, walking at a walk run, myself at a brisk city stride and the previous frontrunner walking at a leisurely pace now bringing up the rear. Nobody was going to acknowledge this, but we all knew what was happening. If only we could have left well enough alone.

It was sometime in the next few houses distance, but the man in the puffy vest decided he was not the type to bring up the rear of this particular man train. He picked up the pace.

I noticed him gaining on me, and increased my own pace - using all my powers of audible sensory perception to determine his fractional increment increases and match them with my own propulsion forward. I was holding my mid-position lead over this puffy jacketed interloper and the tall man was acceptably distant to the west.

I didn't know how long I could maintain my pace, but decided if it went more than two blocks further i wouldn't have to go to the gym this night. I was so focused on my maintenance of speed that I didn't immediately notice the cruel slap of city planning that had decided to obstacle this situation.

A red light. A crosswalk. A police car at the intersection, and busy traffic.

There was no Froggering this situation, we would have to wait. All of us, in succession now held in temporary equity at the light.

Cruel.

I looked at the other two, we all saw it in each other's eyes. Nobody was happy about the way things had gone. If only we could go back in time and save ourselves from this social bind... but we could not.

I put my life at risk and stepped into the street. I took a first base lead off the sidewalk, and in anticipation of the light's change (my years of city living sharpened to this moment of tick tock timing clarity) pre walked to cross the street. I got an impressive lead over my more tentative enemies who got a weak launch off the starting block of the sidewalk's edge. I used my lead best I could and set off on the fastest (yet believable, always believable nobody is just going to admit it and sprint here) walk possible, squeezing ass muscles in alternating leftness and rightness to drive the pace forward. Head clutched to chest to decrease wind drag and elbows up and at the side to increase body sway and forward momentum.

Those fools knew they had been beat and the race was over. I was victorious. I knew it, but the victory was in the knowledge that the Tall Man and Puffy Vest Man knew it too. I hope it still keeps them up at night.

I Win.

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