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Home arrow Mitch's Movies arrow Wrestlemania 23 Preview
Wrestlemania 23 Preview Print E-mail
Written by Art Michalski   
Friday, 30 March 2007
Ok, I am a dork. I don’t sit here and try to pretend that I’m cool, because like everyone else, I have really dorky things that I am into. Saying you’re even a casual WWE wrestling fan wont get you too far with the ladies; but it beats the hell out of watching a “Grey’s Anatomy” marathon any day of the week. So, it should be no surprise that I will be one of 64,000 or so in attendance at Wrestlemania 23, the World Wrestling Entertainment’s version of the Super Bowl.

It hasn’t received much of the front-line press that the Super Bowl did when it rolled through Detroit, but for wrestling fans everywhere, it might as well be the biggest day of the year. It’s a day where hardcore wrestling fans and the casual fans come together, to share stories of old and new wrestling favorites.

Most years, fans in Detroit will shell out 50 dollars to watch this event on pay-per-view. Not 2007 though. 2007 brings Wrestlemania to the Motor City, where fans await a sold out Ford Field for this event. Wrestlemania 23 will mark the 20th anniversary of the last Wrestlemania in Detroit, where a record 93,000 people packed the Silverdome to watch Hulk Hogan bodyslam 500-pound Andre the Giant, and the “Hulkamania” craze was officially born.

Twenty years later, Andre has sadly passed away and Hogan is busy pimping his daughter’s music career and will not be in attendance. Wrestlemania 23 may not have the luster of Wrestlemanias of the past, but it should still shape up for an entertaining show.

But since Jeff and I are going to be in attendance for the event, we're going to give you our picks for Wrestlemania 23. Some seem very predictable, and some might be so crazy, they might actually make sense. Neither of us have been watching the WWE for quite awhile, so some of the picks are gonna be out of sheer ignorance. Here we go:


U.S. Championship: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

Art: The Toothless Technical Wrestler vs. some dude I’ve never heard of that wrestles on Smackdown. I haven’t watched Smackdown since it moved to Friday nights (unlike many wrestling fans, I have an active social life). So, this one should be a squash.

WINNER: Chris Benoit

Jeff: The Free Press has been giving Wrestlemania some pretty heavy coverage the last few weeks. After a match has been announced on TV, the paper is reiterating it the next day. When I saw that "Chris Benoit will be taking on MVP at Wrestlemaina" I laughed. "Ha! There's no MVP, it's RVD. Stupid paper." (Referring to Rob Van Dam, who kind of looks like Jean-Claude Van Damme, but shorter.) Later I found that I was was wrong and a wrestler named MVP really does exist while my knowledge of the WWE does not. Since I still do not even know what this guy looks like I have to go with...

WINNER: Chris Benoit.


ECW Originals (Sabu, Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, and Rob Van Dam) vs. The ECW New Breed (Matt Striker, Kevin Thorn, Elijah Burke, Marcus Con Von)

A: You have four of the drunkest and stoned wrestlers to ever set foot in the ring versus three dorks and one guy who thinks he’s a vampire. Even though Vince McMahon will push the new guys, I think the blunts and booze will roll out in the locker room one last time for the old guys (off camera of course).

WINNERS: ECW Originals

J: Again, I have never heard of half of the participants of this match. I do know that this Sandman guy doesn't ever really fight. He just walks around shotgunning beers and hitting people with broomsticks. That's enough for me.

WINNER: ECW Originals


Kane vs. The Great Khali

A: Note to Kane: Please put the mask back on; you’re far scarier without it. The star of the box office dud See No Evil may scare a lot of people away, but the unintelligible Khali will scare ever more people away with his lack of wrestling skills. If you’re looking for an Andre The Giant style bodyslam, this may be your time to see it.

WINNER: Kane

J: It's nice to see The Big Show back in the ring. Apparently, he's been hitting the HGH pretty hard. What is The Great Khali's gimmick supposed to be anyway. Big and stupid? Wasn't that Kane's gimmick a few years ago? And, couldn't Vince throw something into this match to make it a little more interesting? Steel Cage,  paper-rock-scissors, loser has to chug a gallon of spoiled milk? Anyway, Kane shoots sweet fire from the ring posts when he wins, so...

WINNER: Kane


Money In The Bank Ladder Match (Randy Orton, Mr. Kennedy, Finlay, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, King Booker T, CM Punk, Edge)

A: Orton will lose because Sports Illustrated just outed him as a ravenous steroid user, and he’s an a-hole to boot. I don’t see a future pay-per-view title shot going to the Hardys, Finlay or Booker “Don’t call me G.I. Bro” T. The WWE may cover up Edge’s steroid use because they like him, but that will come at the expense of CM Punk, one of the fastest rising stars in the industry.

WINNER: Edge

J: Ok, I'm going analyze this one the same way Matt Millen analyzes the Lions. 1) A few of these guys disappeared for awhile, then came back, so they must be good. 2) I've never heard of some of them, but they're here, so they can't be that bad. 3) One of these guys is the obvious can't miss choice, so skip him and pick whoever I want. Let's see... 

WINNER: CM Punk


World Championship Title Match: Batista vs. Undertaker

A: Undertaker is 45,000 years old and 14-0 at Wrestlemanias. I don’t see Batista being the man to end that streak. Wake me up when this one is over.

WINNER: Undertaker

J: I have a hard time keeping all these dudes with back tattoos straight. I can't name them all, but I know that Batista's one of 'em. He also has a tattoo on his belly button. WTF dud? Seriously? Why did you think that was a good idea? I'll bet this guy also has either a dolphin or a butterfly tramp stamp too.
WINNER: Undertaker


WWE Championship Title Match: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

A: “The Marine” vs. “The Heartbreak Kid.” I am wondering if Cena is going to celebrate the fact his so-so performing movie at the box office hit #1 on the DVD charts last month. It went to #1 on DVD because no one would admit to actually seeing that in the theatres. Cena is wildly polarizing in wrestling circles, but his match with Michaels may be the most exciting of the evening. But I think this is a night for the old timers, and Michaels will win, and make his last run with the title belt.

WINNER: Shawn Michaels

J: This is actually one where I'm a little biased. I cannot stand Shawn Michaels. He's the epitome of wrestling fans. Skinny white trash dude with long hair and for some reason he's sticking with the whole wearing chains thing. Michaels is way over the hill, but gets respect because he's been around for so long and the fans love him (big surprise). This pick is against my better judgement because I know that "The Heartbreak Kid" hates losing to anyone not named Triple H, but Cena's 'Spinner' belt is hilarious.

WINNER: John Cena


Battle of the Billionaires: Umaga (w/ Vince McMahon) vs. Bobby Lashley (w/ Donald Trump)- Steve Austin (guest referee)

A: This is the only match getting coverage because the loser of the match has to see as either McMahon or Trump gets their head shaved. No one actually cares about the actual men wrestling, and that’s OK with me. Trump is too vain to part with his hair, so watch Vince take one for the team.

WINNER: Bobby Lashley, and Vince McMahon gets his head shaved.

J: I don't know how Vince conned Trump into this one but I gotta hand it to him for getting one of the most recognizable faces in America involved in his big event. I suspect that the two are friends in real life and The Donald loves being on TV, but this seems like a little much. I wouldn't be surprised if some behind the scenes action shows up on The Apprentice later in the season. Either way, it's getting the headlines, which is the ultimate goal for both of them. This one's easy to predict though because there is NO WAY that Trump is strolling around with no hair on Monday morning (even though he would look like Lex Luthor and lets face it, if America had a real Lex Luthor, it would be Trump).

WINNER: Lashley, but it is Wrestlemania with a "Special Referee" so expect something surprising to happen.


Wrestlemania 23 is at Ford Field on Sunday, April 1st. Tickets are sold out.


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