The show started innocent enough, with Janet Jackson blasting through a highly skilled lip-synched performance followed by P.Diddy using his only real talent; standing on a moving platform and waving his hand. After that it became more wholesome when Nelly hung onto his crotch like he just got kicked there and Kid Rock used the American flag as a cape for his audition for the upcoming “Superman” movie. Then everyone’s favorite, Justin Timberlake, shows up, sings “Rock Your Body” and tears a piece of Janet’s outfit off revealing a silver pastie looking thing I’ve seen before at an “adult entertainment establishment”. All in all, I would say it was pretty wholesome for your 7 year old boy or girl, yeah, sure.

Then, the national outcry began; The NFL, always a bastion of wholesome activity, with some of its players abusing the substance policies, or beating their wives and girlfriends, stated that MTV would “most likely” not be producing a Super Bowl Halftime show again.

I will admit, MTV’s production did not have the typical 10 year old in mind, but MTV was going for shock value and large ratings. MTV has been a blessing for the Halftime Show at the Super Bowl, diverting people’s attention from the real high-brow stuff like the Lingerie Bowl or listening to your drunk buddy repeat the same drinking story from 1995, for the 19,432nd time.

The MTV produced halftime show has brought in the teenage demographic that advertisers get down on their knees and pray for and that the NFL begs to have watching their games. MTV even announced days before the performance, that to be prepared for “something shocking” at the show. There you go NFL! You could have taken the time to discuss what was going on with the show and not paid so much attention to how much money you were going to be making. Janet Jackson needed this performance to pimp her upcoming single and album and felt this would be better than inviting little boys and girls to sleep in her bed, unlike certain people in her family (good call, Janet).

The fallout has been utterly and completely laughable; A Tennessee banker is suing every media outlet known to man, including MTV and CBS, for the performance saying it traumatized his children. This guy is obviously the guy that sued Scott Stapp for sucking on stage last year (even though I would have sued Scott Stapp for singing “With Arms Wide Open” too). If he had kids over the age of 11, maybe 13, the girls would have been going nuts for Timberlake and the boys would have received a free show when Janet popped the nipple.

Also, Justin’s ‘Nsync buddy, JC Chasez (how in the hell do you pronounce his name?) will not be performing at the halftime show at the Pro Bowl on February 8th. JC Chasez at the Pro Bowl? Is Lance Bass going to do the Halftime Show at the ArenaBowl next? What is this world coming to? Believe me JC, the NFL was doing you a favor by giving you the halftime show because when your album drops you will be lucky to sell one-fifth of that loser who is now dating Cameron Diaz (and yet, I have a college degree but am sitting at home, go figure).

So, what I am trying to say is that the NFL needs to relax, take a few moments to get their collective thoughts together for next year’s show. Look at all the positives that the halftime show brought us; We get to know that Janet Jackson cant sing and chew gum at the same time, that Justin Timberlake will ALWAYS suck, and that guys can still get a cheap glance from TV and not have to go to those “adult entertainment establishments” and see a nipple for 20 bucks.

If the NFL doesn’t relax, I think we all know what is coming in 2005; The Triple Threat of Josh Groban, John Tesh and Michael Bolton at the SuperSuck Halftime Show…. KILL ME NOW!!!!!!

Art Michalski thinks that Lennox Lewis is a pansy, and that the upcoming Slipknot tour will be a religious experience for him. If you love Justin Timberlake, or P.Diddy and want to berate him, please e-mail him at arthatesyou@detroitbuzz.com.