Dear Matt Millen,

Every year about this time, NFL fans in the city of Detroit begin to watch the playoffs, and root for some other team who isn’t the Detroit Lions. Whether the team is the New England Patriots or the Philadelphia Eagles; the team we are not cheering for is our very own Detroit Lions. You know the Lions? That team that you so-called managed and watched as they went 3-13 and will have the second pick in the upcoming 2007 draft?

Of course you know that team Matt; because as much as you want to care about the progress of a franchise, the results of your managerial experience is beyond abysmal, it dives into uncharted depths of the territory of suck. I don’t even have a word to describe how inept you are.... wait, it's INEPT It seems that every year around this time, I write an angry letter to you on the behalf of all Lions fans, and every year, you find a new way to ignore mine and a million or so other Detroiters pleas for you to pack up your office and head out of town.

In this second letter to you, I will not be as nice as I was during my first letter to you. I am going to call you out, and challenge you to either fall on the sword and leave; or try to expose the hair-brained reason that you are still the General Manager of the Lions.

Your record since you have been the General Manager has been 24-72, which by far has been the worst record in the NFL during that time period. The team hasn’t even sniffed the word “playoffs” in that time. The team has gone through countless quarterback changes and other personnel changes. And not surprisingly, we have gone through 4 head coaches in 6 seasons of your reign of misery. Let the facts speak for themselves; along with that 24-72 record, the Lions’ last playoff berth was in 1999. The number of players selected to the Pro Bowl in that time is dead last in the NFL as well.

If you were being put up for review at a corporation, your evaluation in every single category would rank somewhere between “below average” and “poor.” Hell, if they had a “you suck” choice on the review, I’m sure you would get a few of those as well. The fact is; in every other job, 6 years of inept work progress would have caused anyone to get fired years ago. But somehow; you still have a job. Why?

When listening to ESPN’s John Saunders’ today on “The Sports Reporters,” he speculated that you probably have the secret designs for a car that is going to get William Clay Ford and his car company out of financial trouble. Even though the line was funny; I don't think you're smart enough to be holding out on something like that.

Perhaps you have pictures of William Clay Ford in women’s underwear? Maybe you are on special orders to make the Lions so bad, so that you can move to Los Angeles and take the Lions with you? Maybe Jimmy Hoffa’s body was buried under Ford Field before it was completed? I just don’t know at this point why you are even still around.

But what I do know is that this team needs desperate help and your exit will be the key to really re-building this franchise. Now, we can’t get rid of owner William Clay Ford, but we can get rid of you. In an interview last week, you stated that you would “never quit because it’s not in your nature.” With statements like that, I think that you might be suitable to become the new Secretary of Defense for the United States. But statements like that wont get you anywhere with the fans of Detroit.

Even though we football fans aren’t getting satisfaction, some of your former players are. The Miami Dolphins helped proved that Joey Harrington isn’t a great quarterback, but he wasn’t quite the train wreck that he was in Detroit. Oh yeah, and he beat your ass on Thanksgiving Day. Artose Pinner looked like an All-Pro when Minnesota came into town and whooped up on the Lions. Remember Jeff Garcia? Win or lose in the playoffs; the man has had a nice resurgence with no thanks to you, and looks attractive (well, not physically) to most teams again.

But unlike those players, the majority of fans in Detroit don’t get a chance to jump ship and prove their worth somewhere else. We are stuck here with the Lions, and deep down inside, we want to see them do well.

The Pistons, Red Wings and even the Tigers are winners now, just leaving the Lions as the sad sack story of Detroit. Matt, please do us a favor, pack up your s--- and get the f--- out of town. I don’t think I can any more simple than that.

Sincerely,
Art Michalski
Detroit Buzz Magazine