Here are some of the random things I heard in the past week, and had a good chuckle at:

Jennifer Lopez married Marc Anthony. Art’s Take - Our generation’s Elizabeth Taylor married Juan Lacas, from The Subsistute, possibly the crappiest flick of all time and that is taking every Jean Claude Van Damme flick into account. Is Vegas taking action on this relationship? Put my money on four months before Lopez shacks up with someone new. Now Serving #3….

Scott Stapp is suing a strip club in Clearwater, Florida for using his songs when girls are dancing and wants compensation. Art’s Take - You have got to be kidding me! Creed should be happy girls with names like Destiny and Taylor even like their music. Is Scott Stapp trying to pull a Lars Ulrich on strip clubs? Can you imagine how much money Motley Crue would have made with royalties of their songs being played at strip clubs? Bill Gates would suddenly be the second richest man in the world behind Vince Neil.

Shaq disses rapper on mixtape track Art’s Take - Who told Shaq he could rap again? Anybody? Shaq had his 360 pound ass beaten by the Pistons and he has the nerve to diss on some rapper. Shaq, you’re not a rapper, you’re not an actor, and you’re not a free-throw shooter. By the way, how did 1.2 million people buy Shaq’s 1993 rap debut Shaq Diesel? People, that’s worse than the Brian Austin Green or upcoming Paris Hilton CD. Give me a break… Let me finish Shaq’s most famous rap… “What’s up Doc, we can rock?

Two people die at annual Bonnaroo Festival due to weather conditions. Art’s Take - Man, I told those hippies last week not to hang out by the VW Bus, but they don’t listen to me. Really, it’s sad they died at such a lame event. Seriously.

”Fred Durst bought me some Hot n Now sandwiches and wanted me to sleep with him,” - Avril Lavinge. Art’s Take - Avril Lavinge and bombshell are two words I always put together in a sentence, for example: I want to drop a nuclear bombshell into Avril Lavinge’s living room. Fred Durst, you’re going from Britney Spears to Avril Lavinge? Gross! Fred, is Macy Gray next? You would have better luck finding true love at Avril’s favorite store of packaged rebellion: Hot Topic.

Bring Out I.C.P.” (Insane Clown Posse)- Kottonmouth Kings, June 3rd, Pontiac, MI. Art’s Take - I was at this show when I.C.P. came out, and all the typical juggalo fans forgot about their poverties for four minutes. NOTE TO ICP: Your little shtick wore out its welcome about 7 years ago, it’s old, you’re crap, and no one wants to hear from you ever again. When the average base salary of your fans is about 340 dollars a year, you know it’s time to give up. Tisk, tisk to the Kottonmouth Kings for bringing them out.

The Olsen Twins turned 18! Art’s Take - Woo-hoo! Somehow, that is still and forever will be creepy! Shame on me.

Ok, now I feel like R. Kelly talking about the Olsen Twins being of legal age. I’ve got to split before they hunt me down like Kobe Bryant. But before I leave, what did we learn from today’s lesson?
1. Scott Stapp hates strippers.
2. Jennifer Lopez is a pig with a fat ass.
3. Shaq still can’t rap worth a crap.
4. Hippies, please take cover in case of bad weather.
5. When Fred Durst offers to buy you food; it’s an offer for sex.
6. ICP is the worst group of all time.
7. I will soon own “New York Minute” on DVD.

Ok, I lied about the last one. See you all next week, expect for ICP hopefully.

Art Michalski thinks Tom Tolbert of ABC Sports is going to make Mr. Blackwell’s list of Best Dressed People in 2005. The Beastie Boys have to come back strong to be relevant. And is waiting for the Gathering of the Juggalos concert as much as his last trip to Big Lots. If you are a crazed juggalo or fan of Hot n Now burgers, send me your love letters at arthatesyou@detroitbuzz.com.