Instead of watching USC beating Notre Dame, and watching my National Championship hopes for Michigan get crushed once again, I decided to go check out the Master of Delayed Shows; Axl Rose, when I went to go see Guns n Roses at the Palace.

The only thing that is predictable at a Guns n Roses show is that the show won’t be starting early. For weeks, I had been making predictions about what time Axl Rose would hit the stage. Predictions ranged anywhere from 10:30 to 12:30. The talk of what time Axl would hit the stage almost overshadowed my anticipation of the actual performance of the band.

This won't just be a review, but a blow-by-blow account of the night I had with Guns n Roses... for better or worse. Would I get to see Axl? Would I have to stay there until dawn to hear “Welcome To The Jungle”? Would I see a riot? All questions will be answered here, so read on…

8:25 PM: I show up at the Palace and the parking lot is half full. Suddenly I think that what little hype that GNR used to be able to stir up is gone.

8:31 PM: Entering in the arena, curtains block off 80 percent of the upper bowl. I gotta think 9 to 10 thousand people will be at this show at the most.

8:51 PM: First fight of the evening, in my section nonetheless. Some white trash husband and wife team pummeling a guy who spilled his beer on them. Somehow, it lacks the excitement of Holyfield-Tyson 2006, let alone Holyfield-Tyson 1997. Yawn

8:55 PM: First bare breasts of the evening; with the semi-burlesque act Suicide Girls hitting the stage. It isn’t the worst way to wait for Axl, but I’ve seen better and more at a strip club. Think of it as a step up from Maxim magazine, but a step down from Penthouse.

9:25 PM: First police incident of the evening: Police arrest a man who decided to take on three members of Palace security and get the crowd going.

9:40-10:40 PM: Sebastian Bach hits the stage, and still looks to be in pretty good shape (unlike most hair metal slobs). He rips through many Skid Row hits (“Monkey Business”, “I Remember You”), pleasing the crowd. It seems to me that someone else must have written Skid Row's material, because his newer stuff in the hour set was bad. Not quite K-Fed rapping bad, but not awe-inspiring in the least. Bach even pimps his My Space page, making him officially the oldest man with a MySpace page.

10:41 PM: The real wait for Axl officially begins. I’ve seen people more pumped up for a Amy Grant concert than for this show.

10:42 PM: A guy behind me starts swearing at the stage, and giving the stage the middle finger; saying “F--- you! Where’s Slash? F--- you Axl!” Obviously, this is someone who hasn’t accepted that Slash is in Velvet Revolver now.

10:54 PM: Second fight in my section; one guy decks his buddy, knocking the buddy out cold. Security comes to help... 10 minutes later.

11:02 PM: Police Incident #2: Police arrest a man on the floor, trying to fight at least 6 security guards, 3 patrons, and the soundboard. He’s dragged out of the show after three takedowns.

11:34 PM: Lights go out; as Axl’s shrill voice screams “Do you know where the f--- you are!”, as the band rips into the classic “Welcome to the Jungle”. For some reason, Axl’s mic seems a little turned down. The song still freaking rocks! The band precedes to rip through most of the “Appetite For Destruction” disc, including “It’s So Easy”, Mr. Brownstone”, and “Out Ta Get Me” during their two hour set.

11:52 PM: First guitar solo, and Axl’s first break... most likely for oxygen for running his hefty ass around the stage.

12:14 AM: Axl addresses the crowd, saying that the reason why he’s so late for shows is “because this is my morning”. Axl, we know you are a nightowl, but most of the civilized world doesn’t work on your schedule. Most people seem indifferent to his comment.

12:15 AM: The first new song of the evening is played. “Better” has a decidedly metal crunch to it, but could definitely find itself on modern rock radio. None of the other new songs (“The Blues”, “I.R.S”) sound nearly anywhere as good as “Better”.

12:35 AM: After keeping the fans awake with “You Could Be Mine”, “Live and Let Die”, you can tell Axl’s voice is starting to go. The guitar solos and breaks are getting longer now.

12:49 AM: The piano strains of “November Rain” are heard, and the crowd gets up on their feet. Without the original lineup, the song still sounds as classic as it did when it came out 15 years ago.

1:01 AM: One of the guitarists, “Bumblefoot” as Axl refers to him, breaks out into an instrumental version of “Don’t Cry” during his solo. Now only if Axl could pull himself away from the oxygen tank, and sing the lyrics, my night would be set.

1:10 AM: Sebastian Bach hops on stage, and does a so-so version of “My Michelle” with Axl. People are starting to head for the exits.

1:15 AM: Axl’s whistling is heard with “Patience”, and some ears perk up.

1:25 AM: Most of the rest of the song runs together, I am out grabbing a Coke (the concert went so late that it would have been last call at most bars) and ended up leaving a few songs early. I don’t really regret it, Axl’s voice was starting to go, and I was this close to falling asleep behind the wheel.

Even for Axl’s faults, which are many, the new version of Guns seems a far tighter band than the band I saw four years ago. Axl is still running behind the stage a few times during the show for a break, but he ditched the football jerseys and unflattering hip-hop look, to look more like a real rockstar on this tour. But, what’s up with those cornrows Axl, please?

The new Guns n Roses will never compete with the original lineup, and Axl will never come on stage at 9 P.M., but this lineup (or glorified cover band, whatever you think) is still better than some cut-rate cover band at a dive any day.

That's my opinion... if YOU have one, email me at arthatesyou@detroitbuzz.com