Instead of just pretending that I watched the entire show, as in past years, I decided to actually watch what used to be the most entertaining awards show, the MTV Video Music Awards. In the past few years, the move to host the awards has turned into a hip-hop dominated bore that brought none of the fun of old award shows. Remember when Puffy hosted the awards? Yikes! The past few awards show had just been too dominated by one genre of music. And when there is too much of one particular thing; you know damn well it gets boring very quickly.

But this year, with host Jack Black, the VMA’s were given a chance to be better than the past few years. For the most part, Black helped the VMA to be slightly more entertaining than the last couple of years. Here is a near minute by minute rundown of this year’s show:

• 7:35pm: The only moment of the pre-show I watched, to hear the new song from My Chemical Romance. They played on top of the General Electric building in New York, I’d probably freak out if someone asked me to play 80 stories above the street. But they pulled it off, sounding a little like Queen in the process.

• 8:01: Justin Timberlake comes on stage, and does “SexyBack”. Even though the song will be #1 next week, I was still holding out for the NSync reunion. Guess it won’t happen tonight!

• 8:07: Jack Black comes out and mocks the blandness of VMA’s past blunders. Meanwhile, if you notice, Black can’t remember his lines. I haven’t seen that many fumbles since a Lions game last year.

• 8:14: Obviously still working off the prison fat she gained, Lil’ Kim did her usual “I love New York” shtick. All I could think about was Kim’s impending appearance on Celebrity Fit Club next year….

• 8:17: Yep, Jack Black is still screwing up his lines…

• 8:22: Andre from Outkast looks as distant with Ciara as he does with Big Boi.

• 8:24: To paraphrase a wrestling sign I saw a few months ago “If Black Eyed Peas wins for best Hip-Hop video, I riot!”.

• 8:25: Let the riot begin, the Black Eyed Peas beat Kanye West and even 50 Cent for best Hip-hop video.

• 8:31: With hair, doesn’t The Rock look like Marc Anthony? Let’s hope they don’t ask Rock to revive the Substitute franchise.

• 8:40: The Jackass guys are shocking themselves, once again. Why do they look like the only guys having fun there?

• 8:46: 50 Cent and LL Cool J present Best Female Video: Further proof 50 Cent can’t talk. 50 utters “yeah” about 25 times, before saying that the nominees come “from Texas to Michigan to Detroit”… Last time I checked, Detroit is in Michigan. Dumbass…

• 8:55: What the f---? Where’s Ludacris’ fro?

• 9:01: Sarah Silverman thinks Lance Bass is hitting on her. Somewhere, Lance Bass is cringing at the comments made.

• 9:05: I think Jessica Simpson is drunk. Or else she’s suffering from Black Syndrome, or better known as screwing up your lines. Let’s go with her being drunk. I don’t care, she looks good.

• 9:10: Shaun White still looks stoned.

• 9:15: Black’s best line of the evening: “Here’s the biggest independent film maker in history: Paris Hilton!”. Paris looks less than amused. Too bad….

• 9:31: Pink looks less than thrilled when she won for “Stupid Girls”. She looks this way most of the night. It must be that “edge” she thinks she has.

• 9:35: John Norris is MTV’s version of Dick Clark. That guy is challenging Loder for seniority there, and that’s saying a lot. Norris’ new hair color is his billionth new shade of blonde.

• 9:40: Snoop comes out looking like the 1995 Snoop, not the family friendly version we have gotten the past few years. Let’s keep the old image up, and watch him cap someone!

• 9:45: Chamillonaire wins for Best Rap Video. He is the 12,710th person to thank God tonight. I was hoping he was gonna thank Tiny “Zeus” Lister for being in his video. Guess not….

• 9:49: Message to Puffy: Danity Kane sucks. I don’t know how they are #1 on the album charts, and as I always say: Where’s Suge when you need him?

• 9:52: Ringtone of the Year? That’s an award…. Jesus.

• 9:55: Panic at the Disco sounds off. Too bad they showed a promo for their tour only moments earlier.

• 10:02: Fergie comes out, and looks rough again. For no reason, she brings out the little girl from Little Miss Sunshine to present Best New Artist. If anyone had half a brain, Avenged Sevenfold will win.

• 10:03: Call her “Little Miss Dummy”: she screws up Avenged Sevenfold’s name when they win. What? Avenged couldn’t perform? A damn shame…

• 10:03:30: Chris Brown looks sad after losing. Too bad Chris, if this were 2004’s award show, you would have won hands down.

• 10:10: Britney & Kevin are not in the building, but doing a lame taped skit about their kid’s Big Wheels getting stolen. Kevin is a wussy, he should have brought the flow like he did at the Teen Choice Awards a few weeks ago.

• 10:12: Was that Scott Ian of Anthrax in the audience? What the hell is he doing there?

• 10:18: Sarah Silverman is at it again, making a jokingly impassioned plea for Paris Hilton to lose weight. I spit my Coke out… I think we found next year’s VMA host.

• 10:40: The Jackass guys don’t look wasted, they are wasted! As Fall Out Boy win the Viewer’s Choice Award, Steve O is falling over and Wee Man is slurring something to the guys in Fall Out Boy. Is Johnny Knoxville even there?

• 10:50: A message to Al Gore: I saw the freakin’ movie, I don’t need a two minute synopsis on the VMA’s. It doesn’t help future DVD sales either.

• 11:15: Some guy name Six storms the show, and says that his show didn’t get picked up by MTV. Somehow, I get visions of that Six girl on Blossom. Panic At the Disco looks dumbfounded when accepting the Video of the Year Award.

• 11:20: After three hours, and 20 minutes: Axl Rose shows up. I swear, this guy doesn’t wake up before 9 p.m. He introduces The Killers, and the show ends from there.

There is the rundown of the three and half hour VMA’s this year. I would like to recommend Sarah Silverman to be next year’s host, perhaps she can loosen things up. Even though this was slightly better, it still seemed too stiff to me at times.

Maybe just let the Jackass guys host the show next time. The stiffness will be gone in no time, but no one will ever get their awards either.