Dear Miss Single USA,

I actually really think it would be a good "read" to ask women, do a poll, of what they think it would take for a guy to cross over, if at all possible, from the "friend zone" I mentioned earlier. There are a few men out there, and not just myself, who actually do want to hook up with women that they want to "get to know" first, and maybe are too shy to go for the kill the first few dates and end up lost in the FrIeNd ZoNe for weeks, months, perhaps years or FoReVeR!!! Which is rare, or we are led to believe it is. What does it take from a woman's perspective from a guy you have labeled in your mind as a friend, and it'll never be more than friends, to change that in your mind?? Usually when that guy gets a girlfriend who's not you right?? Women have always said to me that they don't want to "lose a friend" or "screw up a friendship" and maybe they mean it, but guys should probably just take that as a polite, doesn't want to hurt you, beat around the bush, "I'm not attracted to you, but want you in my life for other reasons."

In theory, it’s always a best case situation for you to start dating a good friend of yours. The friend knows you probably better than any other girl will ever know you – she’ll already be familiar with your quirks, your good qualities, and as well as your faults. You won’t have to explain yourself as much because she will know your history and the previous situations that have made you who you are today. Your friends will be there for you through thick and thin, and that’s exactly what you will want from a life partner.

However, those times when I’ve always been “just friends” with a guy, well, there’s not much that can change that. This sounds horrible, but if I’m desperate or in a very depressed situation, I think to myself, “Man, I think so-and-so and I should go home with each other tonight.” These thoughts are usually also accompanied by copious amounts of booze and usually karaoke. (Still to this day, I get weak in the knees when my friend performs his rendition of Purple Rain in a smoky bar.)

There’s really nothing you can do besides what you’re already doing that will make your friend change her mind, except maybe start spending more one-on-one time with her. Ask her to go to a movie that you both have talked about seeing and then go out for a drink afterwards. Do “date-ish” type stuff with her. Let her know that you are into exploring a “more than friends” relationship with her. Also let her know that if she’s not into that idea, well, you will deal with it and you’re fine with just having her in your life.

And as an aside, don’t try to get her drunk to try to alter her position on this situation. She’ll just feel stupid and guilty about sleeping with you afterwards and then your friendship will end up being “weird.”

Here are some signs to look for to see if what your friend is feeling for you is more than just friendship:

• Does she pat you or caress you? You know what I mean. You’re hanging out, you say something funny, and she slaps your arm? That’s friendship. You’re hanging out and you say something clever, and she runs her hand down your shoulder and arm? That’s flirting.
• Does she do an only upper body touching hug? If when you give her a hug, does she seem like she’s pulling away from you? I know that the friends of mine who I would like to have a bit more than just a “friend-only” relationship with, I tend to press myself against them… all of myself. It’s usually to see if, well, they're hot for me. It’s just a little check-out thing that girls do.
• Talking on the phone is not my forte. Unless it’s a long distance thing, my phone calls with friends average around the 5 minute mark. How are your phone conversations with this friend of yours? Normally if someone is interested in me, they are the ones trying to keep me on the phone with them. If I’m not interested in someone and they are getting all chatty-cathy with me, I’ll be the one to step in and cut the conversation short.

Also, keep in mind that women are VERY protective of their male friends. I tend to hate, yes HATE, most of the girls my male friends date. Mainly it’s because I think my male friends have bad taste in women and I just don’t want to waste my time spending it with the two of them. Maybe next time you are out with your female friend, ask her to try to help you pick up which girls to go and talk with. Don’t have her go up and talk with them, but have her point them out. Then pick out another girl and ask her if she thinks you should talk with her?

Finally, if things just aren’t progressing the way you want them to – My dear, it might be time to move on. Go talk with other girls. I understand that you want to become friends with a girl before jumping into a relationship with them, but that’s what dating is for. Remember the old-fashioned idea of a courtship? Work with it! Put aside your inhibitions and go out with just your guy friends and try to pickup women. Go talk with quiet girls at the bar. Girls who look like they are nice people. Ask them out on a date. Just because you go out with a girl doesn’t mean that you need to wine, dine, and 69 her. You can hang out and talk and get to know eachother. Look at it as shopping for new female friends, with the potential for more. And hell, what’s the worse thing that can happen? It’s not like you’re getting any now anyway. You have nowhere to go but up. And you never know, your friend might come around, but it’s highly unlikely.