I am in a long term relationship, the sex is good, and we have fun together. I am committed to the relationship, and in love, but I am not connecting intellectually with the person that I am with. Is true love found in one package or can you get fragments of what you need from more than one person? I am an attorney, and I meet a lot of really interesting people in my line of work. Is it ok to get emotionally attached to people that aren't my significant other?

As all of my friends and family can tell you, I am not a person who can sit still very well. I’m constantly on the go. I work two jobs and I write a weekly (or somewhat-weekly) sex advice column. I run at least three times a week and sometimes will even teach an impromptu yoga class for some friends. I’m in a couple book clubs as well as a women’s group. I attend community meetings and discussions with different organizations – all dealing with a variety of different interests. As someone who feels life is meaningless without intellectual stimulation, I understand where you’re coming from.

Because of my participation in a variety of different groups and activities, I am very blessed to have a lot of people in my life that I deeply care about and respect – some more than others, but you know what I mean. Almost all of my boyfriends in the past have had to deal with this and they’ve all coped rather well. It usually ends up that I keep my social life separate from my relationship life, but that’s just how it works for me.

Your question makes me think that your problem is boredom. You’re not necessarily bored with the person who you’re with; you just need a different type of stimulation to pep you up. So my first piece of advice is this: join a club. Do you enjoy writing? Then join a writing group. Do you enjoy bowling? Then “Lebowski” it out and join a bowling league. It will give you something to do and stimulate your mind which in return will spice up the rest of your life. This new piece of your life is something that you can talk about and share with your partner and may fulfill the intellectual void that you feel exists between the two of you.

As for true love being in one package, let’s get serious, shall we? When has anything 100% eclipsed all your life and dreams? It’s just not realistic. I am a big believer that true love exists. I’ve always believed this and nothing to date has been able to convince me otherwise. It’s that feeling that you get when you think about how your life would suck if your partner wasn’t there to share it with you. True love isn’t intellectually stimulating – for that I think you’ll need to find a different avenue.

And yes, it’s fine to be emotionally attached to people who aren’t your significant other… just don’t get too emotionally attached to where you start sleeping with them and cheating on your partner with them. I’m emotionally attached to all of my close friends and it doesn’t seem to get in the way of any of their relationships and it’s never gotten in the way of any of mine. It’s okay to have friends who aren’t your significant other. Really. It is.

But if you are worried that you’ll get emotionally attached to someone and want to start sleeping with them, then don’t put yourself into that situation. Start doing more things with your partner – do things together and go out with other couples or friends who you both really like! Check your local paper and see what types of events are going on around town. In Chicago there’s a Summer Dance thing where they give free dance lessons down in Grant Park. It’s silly, it’s fun, and they serve beer.

You also sound like there are some confused undertones as to what you really want from your relationship. Do you want to have more intellectual conversations with your significant other or do you feel like being in this relationship is holding you back from developing a further sense of self-awareness? Think about whether you desire more intellectual stimulation specifically for yourself or for your relationship or both. If you’re more focused on recreating yourself because you’re not happy with your partner, then I think you have a problem and you need to deal with those issues. However, if you are focused on finding something to make you happier so that in turn you’ll be happier in your relationship, go for it.