Do you want to know what scared me more than the idea of John Stamos playing drums with the Beach Boys on tour this summer? (as horrible as that idea sounds) It was the thought that the new Clerks 2 would go down as one of the worst sequels I have ever seen. I thought there was no way they could top the original, and that the sequel would stank and tank. Fortunately Clerks 2 wasn’t that bad. Even though it was not as good as the original, it didn’t have me going into Sequel Convulsions.

This brings me back to a conversation I had earlier this week about sequels that probably should have never been made. We all know the characteristics of this sort of movies: Bigger budgets, bigger egos, gaping holes in the plot and a lack of sense of reality brought to the movie.

While we get a new crop of potential crapbombs every year, I have decided to make a list of the sequels that I have thought sucked worse than anything else, so these impending bombs can have a target to shoot for. Yes, this means you too, Tom Cruise and Mission Impossible 3. You will still have to top these abominations of humanity in order to crack this list:

Worst Sequels of All Time (In No Real Order) (NOTE: Straight to Video sequels do not count):

• The Phantom Menace (1999): Ok, shut up! Yes, this is a prequel to the Star Wars movies, but this movie gets on this list for going too far back for what was seen widely as a kids’ movie, and an abysmally horrible computer generated side-kick (Jar Jar Binks. We could have started the prequels at Revenge of the Sith, with no issues, if it were up to me.

• Robocop 2 (1990): The first Robocop was an unbashed 80’s bloody action fest that still keeps my attention this day. However, the second movie showed just how far than the tin bucket robot had fallen. A crazed drug lord with a 12 year old dealer sidekick turned drug addicted crime fighter… Yeah, as if a robotic crime fighting machine didn’t sound too far fetched, the sequel made the barely believable sound completely ridiculous.
• Weekend at Bernie’s 2 (1993): Ok, now this should have been a straight to video movie. The first movie was just wrong for many different reasons: partying with dead people, having sex with dead people, and for Jonathan Silverman to just be there. But having the dead awakened through voodoo and music made it the first movie I ever walked out of. Even then, I knew what crap was and made the right decision.
• Back to the Future 3 (1989): Why did Doc Brown have to go back to 1885? Why did Marty have to dress up like a cowboy? There are a lot of “Why?” type moments that effectively ended and killed a once promising trilogy. The western genre was destroyed until HBO put out Deadwood, and Michael J. Fox’s career was never the same.
• Speed 2: Cruise Control (1994): For the first time, Keanu Reeves made an intelligent decision and bowed out of the putrid sequel. Reeves should have done the same with the equally as bad final installment of the Matrix trilogy. Instead, movie killer Jason Patric took the lead and took a cruise liner filled with enough bad acting to sink it. Not even Sandra Bullock’s up and coming career was safe on this cruise liner of acting death.
• Transporter 2 ( 2005): Oh my God, this movie is so bad because it makes no sense and all laws of gravity and physics have been defied so gratuitously. Have you ever seen a car launched 100 feet and land perfectly on the 7th floor of a 15 story parking structure? Me neither… I think I heard myself utter the word “Bulls—t!” over 25 times while watching Transporter 2. Some of the worst action sequences known to man.
• And the worst: Batman & Robin (1997): Bat-nipples, Mr. Freeze and Batgirl. That says it all. Thank your lucky stars everyday for Christian Bale and Batman Begins and the return of that franchise.

There are plenty of sequels that came close to making the list, but I think you will agree that these deserve their place in movie crapdom.