Yes, everyone, I’m back from vacation and ready to start up again with my columnly duties. So without further ado…

Dear Miss Single USA,

I am a 21 year old college junior and have been having sex for over a year. I’ve always considered myself a very sexual person and I find that I get turned on very easily. When it comes to sex, though, I’m often in a lot of pain during and for a little while afterwards. It’s not a blinding pain or anything like that, but it’s definitely still very physically uncomfortable. Luckily, sex doesn’t last very long with my boyfriend, but still! Is this normal? Does it ever stop hurting?

Ah, college. The days of 5 minute sex sessions. I’m very sorry to hear, my collegiate friend, that you’re finding sex physically uncomfortable. Trust me, it can be a very nice and pleasurable experience. I know that I’m a huge fan of sex. Pain, however, I am not a big fan of at all and I try to avoid it (both physically and emotionally) as much as possible. Sex is something that should be fun and enjoyable for both you and your partner. There are a number of reasons why you could be experiencing so much discomfort during sex, some of them are easy remedies, others not so easy.

First of all, talk with your doctor. Do you go for regular yearly check-ups and exams? Next time you are at your doctor’s office, tell your doctor your problem. Trust me – your doctor looks at vaginas all day long and I’m sure that there is nothing that she or he hasn’t heard before. A reason for the pain might be some sort of infection or virus that you’ll need to get treated for. It’s not something that you necessarily want to think about, but disease should always be something that you want to keep in mind. It shouldn’t rule your thoughts, just be aware that it’s a possibility.

There, with that said, I’m going to give you my opinion. If you’re disease free, I think that you just aren’t getting enough foreplay from your boyfriend and therefore you are not turned on enough to fully enjoy yourself. As I’m sure you’re aware, when you’re turned on, your vagina lubricates itself in order to make sex easier and more pleasurable for both you and your partner. The problem with college sex (at least in my experience) is that the guy is so excited to be sticking his Little Mister somewhere other than a pile of mashed potatoes that he just wants to get straight to it. Also, sex is probably followed after some drinking or partying and therefore the guy won’t be at his best form. Drinking can also dehydrate you, which won’t make matters any easier.

Also, you might want to checkout what kind of condoms you are using. If you’re not using condoms, I strongly suggest purchasing a box. The rubber can help things slip in and out a lot easier (if the guy complains about wearing one, kick his whiny ass to the curb). Sometimes condoms will be coated with certain lubrications that will not agree with your body. Check and see if your condoms are lubricated with a spermicide named Nonoxynol-9. I know a lot of people (myself included) who simply cannot tolerate this spermicide at all. Maybe you need to try a new brand of condom – I myself prefer Lifestyles Ultra-Sensitive or Durex Extra Sensitive.

Along with condoms, you should be using a water-based lubricant. I don’t know why women are adverse to lubrication when they first start having sex, but it’s a common trend. Lube is wonderful. I can’t say enough good things about lube and it’s always good to have at least one type of water-based lubricant easily accessible when things start to get down and dirty. The lube will provide an extra layer of wetness to you and to your partner that will help things slide to the next level a lot easier. Since you’re already pretty sensitive, I suggest staying clear of all those “heat” type lubes and stick with the tried and true non-flavored, non-additive plain lubes. Personally, I recommend purchasing a large bottle of Astroglide – seriously, I love this stuff. It’s very light, lasts for a good while without having to reapply, is safe to use with condoms, and it’s not going to stain your sheets. You can pick it up at any drug store usually right next to the condoms. Make sure to test out your lube by yourself first to make sure that you won’t have any sort of reaction to it. Most sex shops sell samples of different types of lubes, so head over and mix-and-match yourself a little sample platter. You might be amazed at the difference what a little lube makes.

Again, though, I’m going to stress that you talk with your doctor. Painful sex, though it could be resolved with different condoms or with the addition of lube, it could also potentially be a sign of something very serious. Go get yourself checked out.

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