Miss Single has sent us a few Bonus columns. We'll have her regularly scheduled column later in the week. Enjoy!

“You are so sexy.”

That is a common phrase that men hitting on me tend to use. I like to think that they just don’t know me very well and are being completely mislead by the fact that I have a rather curvy, sexy body. I’m also rather sassy, which I think might confuse guys as well. They both start with the letter S and end with the letter Y. I’m not saying that the guys who hit on me are blinded by lust, I just think they are rather mislead as to what exactly sexy is.

Chuck Klosterman, in his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs dedicates and entire chapter arguing that Pamela Anderson is the epitomy of sex object in the United States and has taken on the role in modern America that Marilyn Monroe held back in the 50’s. I was a little baffled by this idea. Pamela Anderson? What modern America has Chuck Klosterman been living in? Seriously, Chuck, get a grip! Most men, at least most men in my circle of friends and loved ones, tend to think that Pamela Anderson is a trashy, plastic, walking disease. The idea of having sex with her minorly revolts them. The word “hepatitis” was used over and over in discussing Pammy’s sex appeal. Or at least that’s what they all told me when I cornered them inquiring about their attraction to Pamela Anderson, but I actually believe them. Most said that even though they don’t think Pamela Anderson is very attractive, they really like the fantasy of Catherine Zeta Jones or Angelina Jolie much more.

Catherine Zeta Jones or Angelina Jolie? Does anyone else find this weird?

Catherine Zeta Jones is someone who I consider to be closer the modern day representation of Marilyn Monroe in sex appeal. She’s got a very sexy accent, curves to die for, and of course exudes a presence of utter sophistication. She’s also married to a man twice her age. Let’s not forget guys, that a lot of your moms (if you’re in your late-twenties or early-thirties) thought that Michael Douglas was hotter than shit in Romancing the Stone. I don’t think I’m wrong in stating that if CZJ is your woman of choice, you fantasize about having sex with the woman that your mom wanted to be.

As for Angelina Jolie, I think most men kind of fear her. She could kick anyone’s ass if she wanted to… and I think most men would let her. She uses men like rags, has had bisexual relationships, and has those lips that could launch a thousand ships (so to speak). She also caters to any sort of video game-related fantasies that a guy might have had growing up. I don’t think I need to analyze this choice any farther.

Also, though, most men doubt that they will ever be able to find another CZJ or AJ, so they are completely happy keeping them as their fantasy woman. They don’t necessarily look for Zeta/Jolie qualities in women that they are looking to be with. It’s almost as if men’s sex fantasies are these figures that they wish to set up on a pedestal and just absorb the sex that seeps from their uber sexy pores. They don’t want to get too close for fear that their fantasies might suddenly disappear if they delve deeper into the Zeta/Jolie psyche. They don’t want to know that their Zeta/Jolie is actually rather accident proned, or that she has a loud laugh, or that they get rather abrasive and obnoxious after a few too many Manhattans.

After discussing this with one of my best guy friends, we somehow got onto the topics of “Would You Rathers,” and I think one is very appropriate if you are thinking of analyzing your opinion of sexy – Would you rather give Zeta/Jolie a rim job or eat 2 McRib sandwiches? Just something to think about.

Like what you see? Get a better look at my blog.

Is Miss Single on the money here, or do you think otherwise? Let's talk on the message board.