So, my asymptomatic friend, I’m glad you’ve met a great partner. Now keep in mind that if you’ve met a great partner, you in turn need to be great to him or her. You’ve taken the first step in being a decent human being by realizing that you need to tell your partner about your sexual health. And as for your answer of “before you have sex,” that’s a good one to live by – but it’s a very general idea. There are a lot of things that you can do “before you have sex” that can transmit both diseases. So, let me give you my take.

HPV or genital warts is the easier part of this question. If you have warts, unless they are active, there really isn’t a necessity to bring it up. If they are active, then you will need to back off until things clear up. In talking with a friend of mine with an extensive background as a nurse practitioner, I learned that about 50% of sexually active people have the virus. If you have the virus, you should still get yourself checked out by your doctor (especially if you are a woman), but it’s a very common virus and not necessarily worth mentioning unless the warts are active. No real need to bring it up.

HSV 1 and 2 are different. Both strands of herpes can be passed on even if you are asymptomatic – it’s called “asymptomatic viral shedding.” Basically, you can shed the virus without symptoms. Also, some outbreaks are so mild that you may not think that it is an outbreak. So, if you had sex with someone, even if you were not experiencing an outbreak or hadn’t experienced an outbreak in years, you could still shed the virus – or vice-a-versa. Also, condoms don’t always cover the skin that has the herpes, but they are the best protection besides abstinence. Also, something about herpes that I should mention is that it is a very common virus. About 1 in 4 to 5 people have it. It’s always smartest and best to have a talk about your sexual health, especially if you can put someone at risk, but try to relax. There’s a good chance that you could sit down and have this big talk and find out that your partner also has the virus.

Socially, there are other problems as well with having this talk. I was talking with a good friend of mine at the bar after the March First project yesterday about this. He said that if he was dating a girl who had herpes, he would want to know about it before things became too serious so that it doesn’t become a major relationship issue. When someone decides to have sex with another person, they are always putting themselves at a risk. Condoms don’t always work. A partner could have asymptomatic shedding. You should always be careful when becoming involved with anyone.

On the other hand, if you get checked regularly and take care of your health and stay in tuned with your body, I don’t see why sex with a partner with herpes should be an issue. For many couples, sex is not an option when the woman is having her period – I see it almost like that. When there is a HSV flare up, it’s just a time when the two of you will have to chill out and relax sexually until things clear up again. If you’re really stressed, or if your partner is really stressed, talk with a doctor. I’m a big believer, though, that by telling your partner as soon as possible about the virus you’ll cut out some of the awkwardness that will arise when the two of you actually get down to doin’ the deed. Good luck.

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