Do you ever wonder how some people get famous, and other people far more worthy, still have their careers stuck in neutral?

It’s easy to pinpoint how some people famous; like my boy K-Fed, who married for money and notoriety. And then, you have people like Ashlee Simpson, who is a sibling of a more famous star, and piggybacked off of her success. Those people, I can at least understand how they got their break.

Then, there are others who just happened to get famous for no apparent reason, and haven’t given me any reason to turn that switch in my brain, and think “This person makes my life complete!” I sit in amazement as some of these people parade around on red carpets and sit in interviews, and the struggle they had to go through to get famous. Most of these people should still be begging for work, or playing some dive in Youngstown, Ohio.

Instead of giving you my list of the most important people in entertainment, or my “Power List”; I am going to give you my “Why in the Hell Did This Person Get Famous List”. You will sit there, and ponder as to why this person (or persons) came to grace magazine covers. Perhaps, we, as hard working, celebrity hating people can send these people back to the dive or casting couch from which they spawned, as to which they so deserve.

So here is Art’s "Why In The Hell Did This Person Get Famous List - 2006” (In No Particular Order):

• Milla Jovovich - She is actually the inspiration for this article. I was watching a preview for her new movie Ultraviolet, and realized that this woman ends up in most, if not every crappy sci-fi/ action flick. Not only, did I have to sit there and watch her destroy everything that was cool about The Fifth Element (Chris Tucker in a blonde wig didn’t help matters), but having to watch her stumble through dialogue in not one, but two Resident Evil movies. Now, she gets another flick!

  This woman has about as much range as me at the bar bathroom at closing time, and her undecipherable Eastern European accent makes her harder to understand than a stripper in Windsor. I guess Milla is big in Europe. Yeah, Wham was big in Europe too; but do you see people running to hear Careless Whisper? Didn’t think so…

• Dr. Phil - Because Oprah had him on the show once in a while, this guy suddenly has become the go-to-guy for any sort of problem. If your child is afraid because they wet their bed at night? Call Dr. Phil! When your teenager is rebelling against the system? Call Dr. Phil!

  Hey Dr. Phil! What can you recommend for an overly angry twentysomething male, who does nothing but tear into people on a weekly basis?

• Queen Latifah - Back when I was in middle school; the image of Queen Latifah was not one of respected actress, but one of a semi-angry, early 90’s rapper. Ok, she was no Sister Souljah, but her rhymes were not ones that her group of middle aged housewife fans would enjoy for two seconds. As an actress (and failed talk show host), she received much fame for her movies, and even got an Academy Award nomination for her role in Chicago. Yours truly never saw that movie, but any movie with Nell Carter, or perhaps Marsha Warfield: A large, sassy African-American woman who tries to liven up the lives of stuck up or down-in-their-dumps white people. It’s ok to do that in one movie, but in three movies (Bringing down the House, Taxi & Last Holiday)? It’s time to show some movie magic or it’s going back to being on tour with Salt ‘n Pepa and MC Lyte.

• Train - Yes, yes, the Volvo and Saab owners of America can come to beat on me for ripping on their favorite group. This group makes Bon Jovi look like Slayer. I don’t think I ever have heard of a song that got out of their comfort zone of banal and low key pop-rock that only a fan of Desperate Housewives could love. Are they Air Supply of a new generation, or just a slightly more rock version of Michael Bolton, with better haircuts? You decide…

• Jenny McCarthy - If anyone ever took the “annoying blonde act” for all it’s worth, it’s the former Singled Out host and former Playboy Playmate. After her NBC and MTV shows both ended abruptly, McCarthy seemed to have been thankfully thrown in the B-movie exile, to end her career. I mean, remember the other host of “Singled Out”; last time I saw him, he was getting his head bashed in House of 1000 Corpses. Perhaps McCarthy should have followed suit, but NO! I am starting to see her pop up all over the place, thanks to plenty of countdown shows, and her “How to be cool in Vegas” show on E Entertainment, Party at the Palms.

  Thanks Jenny. You tainted one of the best casinos and hot spots in Vegas…

• The cast of Laguna Beach - Great, every 17 year old knows who LC and Kristen are, but does anyone older than that really give a s---? Now, they pop up at clubs (including a few in Detroit), to do special appearances and think they have some bit of notoriety. Stephen Baldwin was famous too, for a few minutes in the 90’s - should I alert the media? One of the guys thought he was famous, was actually engaged to a rising card carrying member of the Hall of Fame of Skanks, Kimberly Stewart. One show about Orange County was enough. We really didn’t need another.

  Even if you don’t agree with me on any of these other names; you will all agree with me at the person who would top this list:

• Paris Hilton - Do I really need to say anymore? Who else has turned showing-up-to-parties and just-standing-on-the-red-carpet into a career? What a barren shell of a person.

  We could sit here and add people to this list all day, like Tori Spelling and anyone who has ever been on a reality TV show, but let’s stop here for now. I am interested to hear who I left out though, and perhaps why. Email me and let me know who makes you wonder why they got famous. If I get enough good suggestions, it will inspire me to add onto this list.

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