1. Synchronized diving. That’s right, synchronized diving. Could this not be the stupidest “event” in Olympics history? How could this even warrant a $12 gold medal? The entire time I watched, I was disturbed, bothered, and even amused that this could be judged. How could one team have a 6’ blonde and a 5’5” brunette on the same team for “synchronized diving”? I scream out blasphemy and idiocy.

2. Handball. I don’t care what you say Jeff, but since I have never HEARD of this game before, let alone seen as a sport, I completely discredit this as an Olympic event. Great, it’s water polo on your feet. Now if this is an Olympic event, I want to see dodgeball and kickball in four-years, give me once reason why not?

3. Ping-pong / Badminton. All right, all right, cut it out. Seriously. No, I mean it. I am not kidding. If this is the case, we need jarts, darts, billiards, air hockey, and video games to be Olympic sports. Seeing two Chinese men running around at the speed of light hitting a ball back and forth just doesn’t do it for me.

4. Gymnastics. You know, any “event” that can be judged, does not work as a medaled event in my eyes. Last night, I saw a guy land his jump and twirl his arms around 4-5 times, and still got a 9.7. In my eyes, if you make one wrong move, it’s a complete point. Why do these robots work on a 9.0 to 10.0 scale? I want to see someone who sucks get a 1.5.

5. The Olympics in General. Listen, I am no world-class athlete, but if your ENTIRE life has been dedicated to swimming, and you are the best swimmer in your country, and you go to the Olympics, and you place 4th, only :02 behind the winner, you are considered an absolute loser and failure.

:02 OF A SECOND! Seriously, their entire life is wasted because they lost the race by two-tenths of a second. Think about that for a second. All this time, that athlete could have been traveling, going to school, playing sports, painting, and enjoying life. But all he or she did was swim, everyday, for probably 10-12 years. Now, at their pinnacle of glory, they are washed away in complete mediocrity. I could have lost that race too, and I enjoyed my life, and they lost that race and their entire sole purpose on this planet was to swim from point-a to point-b two-tenths of a second faster. I don’t know, call me crazy.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching Greco-roman wrestling, track and field, weight lifting, and all the other sports, which made the Olympics great, but the IOC and their greed has absolutely ruined something which was once sacred.

Anyway, in closing, I prefer watching Amish in the City and The Surreal Life any day to a bunch of underachievers and people who do stupid things for $12 medals. They can have them.

Bob Waltenspiel is the quintessential “guy’s guy”. He loves beer, cheese, and beef jerky. Once his 9 to 5 is over, expect to see him at a local brew pub, the Post Bar, or just hanging around town. A born and bred Detroiter, he is your friend, social outlet, and he’s Bob – you can email him at bob@waltenspiel.com