Dear Miss Single,

I've never been the type that sleeps around a lot, to tell you the truth, I lost my virginity prom night so I could brag to my friends. My last serious relationship was 2 years ago, my ex girl and I lived together for two years, I really haven't had an urge to be with anyone else since, I guess I'd rather hold out for the right one rather than settle for the wrong one again, is this normal? I've also been concentrating on working out and training for marathons/triathlons with all the free time I've suddenly gained when I left my ex girlfriend, now that I'm in pretty good shape I'm afraid that if I started dating someone, I'd stray from my schedule, is this normal too?

The answer to both of your question is Yes. Now, that was easy.

Okay, I’ll give you a little more. It sounds to me like you’re still healing from your past relationship with your ex-girl. You seem like you’re not quite ready to trust yourself with someone else and you’re not ready to trust someone else with your feelings. Not knowing the details behind the breakup, this seems normal. Granted it’s been two years, but some people take more time to heal.

Holding out for the right one rather than settling for the wrong one is totally normal, but you want to make sure that you’re not purposely closing yourself off because of deep-seated bitterness toward your ex, which you’ve subconsciously (or consciously) transferred to the whole female sex. Generally try to remember the good things about your past relationships. Also, I think you need to remember that even if you’re out playing the field, it does not mean that you need to be a slut.

Personally, I think that you need to open up a bit more. I think it’s a natural reaction to immerse oneself in exercise or something else where they experience some sort of physical change to counterbalance the emotional change from a break-up.

I have two friends who have followed the same path that you seem to be on – they were both with someone who they thought they were going to spend the rest of their lives with and then when the relationship ended they joined a gym and started working out religiously – one focused, like you, on marathons/triathlons; the other on bodybuilding. I don’t think that this is unhealthy at all. If anything, it helps build up your self-confidence and they always say that exercise helps fight depression.

As for worrying that if you start dating someone that you’ll stray from your schedule, yes, that’s totally normal – and you will stray from your normal routine. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all. If you decide to let someone into your life, you just need to learn to rearrange your priorities. Start working out at different times in the day – go running on your lunch hour, wake up earlier, space out your work routine throughout your spare time during the day.

My workout buddy and good male friend told me that anyone in your situation wouldn’t stray from his workout schedule for anyone other than the one that he’d want to spend more time with. It will more or less be an instinctive thing and you should welcome the break – especially when it will involve another endorphin releasing escape from depression (eg., romping, stomping, love den bliss). Basically, being in a relationship and maintaining your workout routine isn’t difficult – you just end up getting less sleep.

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