When I was growing up, I had an Atari. Actually, I guess I should say that my dad had an Atari and he used to let me play it. We had tons of games, but my personal favorites were frogger, centipede, asteroids, and kaboom. I don’t remember much of it because once I started being able to beat my dad at these games, we suddenly got a texas instruments computer that hooked up to the tv… and that was more or less the end of Atari. I think it still lives on in a box somewhere in my parents’ basement with a lone cartridge of space invaders probably keeping it company.

I loved my Atari, but when Nintendo came out, as much fun as I had over at friend’s houses playing Super Mario Bros – the video games had just lost their fun for me. I never got into the Play Station or the X-box or anything like that. I can figure out the games after a while, but I get so frustrated with them because you can’t actually beat the games without going online and getting all your codes for a million lives or for that super-top-secret gun that vaporizes zombies heads. It just takes the fun out of it.

This might be a common feeling among women. I know some women who love playing Ms. Pacman at the arcade, and most of us tend to have some sort of FreeCell addiction, but I honestly don’t know any single women who own and regularly play video games.

One weekend, a good friend of mine threw a large housewarming party to celebrate the purchase of his new condo in Madison, Wisconsin. My friend, Erik, is a very successful civil rights attorney in Wisconsin and I’ve always had a special place in my heart for his dating techniques. He dates more than anyone else I know, yet he tends to date women who just use him for sex, which is fine by him. He always has a “girlfriend” (a girl who he has known for a long time but never has really made any sort of relationship move with), but he also always has crazy stories of recent dates and their outlandish fetishes.

In short, Erik is a playa. He always has been and I like to think that he always will be. This is one of the things in my life that I like to think will remain a constant. But up until visiting his new condo, I never knew exactly how much of a playa Erik really is.

His condo is huge – 2 bedrooms, big living room with large screen tv, gorgeous kitchen, a bar, and a master bathroom to make your mouth water. This He also has a very romantic balcony off his living room and master bedroom… which he says is where he brings all his women to work his magic. To be honest – I have no idea how his magic works on this balcony.

The balcony is home to Erik’s video game collection and a futon/chair combination that faces the small tv where his multitude of game systems are hooked up. Erik proceeded to tell me about how chicks really dig coming over and playing some Ms. Pacman on his retro-Atari hookup. They play a few games and then get their game on.

What?! I’m sorry. I have the hardest time believing that this really works, but I also know Erik and I know that he couldn’t be making this up. These chicks that he brings home actually get turned on by playing video games? They get turned on by sitting on a dank futon staring at a small 13” screen while computerized graphics eat dots, ghosts and fruit? AND these are grown women!

How did this happen? When did it become acceptable 1.) for a single man (who isn’t categorized as a D&D role playing nerd) to display his video game addiction in public; and 2.) for a single grown woman to actually sit on a dank futon and play video games after a date as a means of foreplay? I understand that people like video games, but has our society become so socially inept that in order to get in the sack all normal acts of foreplay (sitting on the couch listening to music, drinking wine, neck massages) must be abandoned for juvenile video game playing?

I’ve been trying to think how I would react in such a situation. I go back to a guy’s place for a drink before “going home.” He shows me his brand new condo… with a HUGE Jacuzzi bathtub in the master bath. And then he takes me onto his balcony to play video games… when there is a HUGE Jacuzzi bathtub in the master bath just waiting to be filled with bubbles and me. At this point, I think that I would make up some sort of excuse and get the hell out of there. The only people who play video games when they bring home a date are childish game players and guys who get off on anime. Either way – sex with this person just doesn’t seem worth the effort.

Seriously, though, what kind of girls actually agree to playing these video games and why don’t they run when they notice that the video games hold the prominent position of power out on the balcony of potential romance? Maybe life as a single girl has just become too stressful for people to handle and therefore they find comfort in childish game playing. Maybe it makes them think back to the time when the used to make out with the hot guy in college who was the Sega champion of Denhart Hall. Who knows?! I think it’s sad and pathetic.

Ladies, if this ever happens to you, please just leave the loser's house. Make up some excuse and go home… besides wouldn’t you rather be playing FreeCell in your pajamas anyway?

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