It’s here. That holiday that we all really look forward to, and yet secretly dread at the same time. Yes, people, I’m talking about New Year’s Eve. The holiday with the most hype and oftentimes the biggest letdown for the single gal or guy. There are parties everywhere, yet for some reason, it costs $30 to get into your favorite dive bar around the corner. Let’s also not forget (let us not forget, dude) that New Year’s Eve is THE big night out for all those amateur drinkers. If you go out on New Year’s Eve, it is guaranteed that you will witness at least one person puking in public. F-ing amateurs. When the ball finally drops, you have the awkward moment of realizing that you’re one of the few single people around… except for that drunkenly obnoxious skanky chick who keeps making out with the female bartenders. I have friends who make a point to hide in the bathroom at the stroke of midnight just to avoid such moments. New Year’s Eve has the potential to make any single person feel pathetic.

But, my single friends, do not despair!

Even though I hate New Year’s Eve so much, I refuse to let a holiday drag me down. I’m too strong to be beaten by New Year’s Eve. Let’s face it, I’m a sassy, intelligent, single woman who can find a good party anywhere. Come on, my single friends, say it with me, “I WILL NOT BE BEATEN BY NEW YEAR’S EVE!” So, I provide for you, my dear readers, the Miss Single USA survival guide to New Year’s Eve.

1. Find a single partner in crime… or maybe two or three

A partner in crime (PIC) can do wonders for a lame New Year’s Eve. PICs can act not only as a wingman, but also as a perfect distraction to your normal distaste for New Year’s Eve. It’s just nice to have another perspective around. Make sure you pick a fun PIC – one that is up for anything. PICs should not say “No” or “I’m not doing that.” As a PIC, you have the ability to say things like, “I’ll buy the next round if you go up and kiss that guy/girl.” It makes for a good time. I also suggest that if you go out with a PIC that you pick a bar or an area that you do not frequent – you want to make sure you go to a place where you’re totally fine getting kicked out and banned from ever entering the bar again. Trust me on this. I suggest going to old stomping grounds – your alma matter’s town, a friend of a friend’s party, or just check the listings.

The last time I went out with a PIC on New Year’s, we ended up in our bathing suits sitting in a bathtub drinking gin. I think we flooded the bathroom (it wasn’t at either of our houses), but we had a good time.

2. Work it Girl

Alright, maybe you don’t work a job that you can escape to on New Year’s Eve, but I’m sure some of your friends do or at least they know someone who does. All bars/clubs need more help on New Year’s Eve because they are going to be super busy. Call up these friends and ask if the bar/club where they’re working needs an extra coat-check person. It’s more than likely that you’ll make a couple hundred bucks in cash… and then be invited to a couple after parties. I seriously used to LOVE working on New Year’s Eve – especially as a coatcheck girl. You get all dressed up then you get to meet all the people who come into the club. It gives you a chance to scope out all the other singles who arrive at the place before everyone else and it provides the perfect opportunity for sassy lines like, “Later on how about you keep me company in my little booth…"

3. Take matters into your own hands

This is my favorite – do whatever you want to do on New Year’s. Think to yourself how you would like to end 2005 and ring in 2006. Throw your own party and do New Year’s the way that you want to do it. Here’s my suggestion:

This afternoon, send an e-mail out to all the people who you would really like to see on New Year’s. Tell them how much you hate New Year’s Eve and that you refuse to let a holiday get you down. Then invite them all over to your place. You do not need to have a large apartment/house to have a good party. A dinner party is the perfect theme for any party and New Year’s Eve is no exception. Two of my favorite things in life are my friends and food… and booze, but who’s counting? Buy hats and noise makers for everyone! Tell everyone to bring their favorite “party favor” as well. With everyone coming together with the common goal of saying good bye (and f you) to 2005 and hello (and f me) to 2006, you can’t help but have a successful party.

And keep in mind, if you’re with your friends, you won’t have to worry about hiding in the bathroom when the ball drops or people puking on your shoes. Well, you might have to worry about your shoes, but at least a friend will offer to take you shopping after New Year’s to replace them. And let’s be honest, nothing says 2006 like a new pair of shoes!

Now I must be off. There’s a case of Prosecco in my kitchen that I must attend to.

Cheers to a Happy and Sexy 2006!

Miss Single USA

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