1971. the birth of disco and hard rock.
1981. the death of disco, the birth of new wave.
1991. the death of hair metal, the birth of grunge.
2001…(we’re still waiting).

Now, more than ever, we as a people are in dire need of a change of scenery in the music world. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the death of the boy band era, but the music that has followed has been getting progressively worse. Let’s look at some of the “hot songs” today.

• Nitty – Nasty Girl – Wow, what a great rendition of the Archie’s classic “Sugar Sugar.” When I thought it couldn’t get any worse…
• Nelly/Christina Aguilera – Tilt Ya Head Back – I’m sorry, but a song can only be sampled once. This song samples Curtis Mayfield’s “Superfly,” which was also done by the Beastie Boys in 1987 in the track “Egg Man.” If they changed the beat or something, anything, I might have accepted it, but it sounds like they took “Superfly,” as is, and just sung crap over it. Wow, give me more!
• Usher – Yeah! – By the time it’s said and done, this could be the most overplayed song in the history of music. Never in my wildest dreams would I have predicted saying the word “YEAH!” 35 times in a 3 minute song would make the hottest track in radio.
• Ciara – Goodies – I swear, if I hear ONE MORE GIRL ask for her “Goodies” I am going to get sick all over the place.
• Kelis – Milkshake – So your milkshake is your “special place” Kelis? All these years I thought I was giving you MY milkshake, not the other way around!
• Lil Jon, Yin Yang Twins, J-Kwon, Petey Pablo – If you can differentiate between any of these songs, seriously, I want to know about it. I swear I will eat your dirty gym socks if you can explain to me the difference.
• Blink 182, Yellowcard, Simple Plan, Bowling for Soup – Same as above.

Sometimes I wonder. I think Lil’ has been laughing solid for 6 months now. He can’t comprehend how yelling “OH-KAY” and “YEA-AH” over and over again to the same beat can generate pop music success. He has probably said to himself, “We just have to change the lyrics! We can keep reusing the same beats and people will still buy it!”. Yes Lil’ Jon, the millions of mindless lemmings in the junior high and high schools of America are brainwashed by your magical beats

They want a milkshake with their boo. They want to shake their ass AND watch themselves. They HATE the original “Car Wash,” but as long as Christina Aguilera sings over it, it is THE BEST!

I think I want to cry. Mommy, make it stop!

Bob Waltenspiel is the quintessential “guy’s guy”. He loves beer, cheese, and The 80’s. Once his 9 to 5 is over, expect to see him at a local brew pub, the Post Bar, or just hanging around town. A born and bred Detroiter, he is your friend, social outlet, and he’s Bob – you can email him at bob@ waltenspiel.com