There’s nothing like waking up on a Sunday just in time to catch the injury reports and ‘game-time decisions’ so that you can set your fantasy football lineup. Then spending the remainder of the day nursing your hangover while yelling at the television because Daunte Culpepper just threw his fifth touchdown pass, but not to Randy Moss, which means you win in one league but lose in two others.

Even though this might seem excessive, stupid, or downright irresponsible to some of you, having something invested in nearly every single game on Sunday makes the day so much more exciting. I like sitting on the edge of my couch all day complaining about how the Rams can’t cover a spread and hoping that the Eagles throw a 2-yard touchdown pass to T.O. instead of running it in with Westbrook. Even if you don’t agree with me, the fact is gambling makes sports fun, why do you think no one watches soccer or the WNBA?

That said, here are a few of my observations from week one in the NFL:

• Although Clinton Portis is going to be a stud this year, Denver made the right choice when they traded him for Champ Bailey. Anyone can run in the Broncos offense, even a midget.

• The ‘Clinton Administration’ analogy involving Portis, Washington, and Bill Clinton is going to be beaten to death by every sports writer in the country, all season long. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you will by the time we see Terry Bradshaw again on the FOX pre-game show next Sunday.

• No matter what team I pick in an elimination pool, they will lose.

• I never want to hear the University of Miami called “The U” again. When I heard Edgerrin James say it on Thursday I groaned, when I heard Stuart Scott say it on Sunday night, I cringed. Apparently Charley, Frances, and Ivan aren’t the most annoying Hurricanes in Florida.

• Chris Berman needs to come up with a few new catch phrases. Every time I see Curtis Martin score a touchdown, I can guarantee that Boomer will say “Curtis ‘my favorite’ Martin on SportsCenter. At least he doesn’t use ‘He, might, go, all, the, way!’ anymore.

• Terrell Owens made the right choice going to Philly instead of Baltimore. The Eagles will make it back to the NFC Championship game again, and lose, again.

• Speaking of Baltimore, I'd rather see Deion Sanders in a purple uniform than a purple suit on Sundays.

• Not only will Culpepper not throw for five touchdowns in a game again this season, no one will. That kind of thing happens once a season, except for last season when Peyton Manning had a five touchdown and a six touchdown game. Culpepper won't be so lucky.

• The Chargers aren’t the worst team in the NFL, the Bears are. They lost to the Lions in what was possibly the ugliest game we will see all season.

• I LOVE… the weekly recaps on SportsCenter to the tune of the Coors Light commercials…AND TWINS!

• Losing Charles Rogers for the season and Dre Bly for two weeks will provide the perfect excuse as to why the Lions will suck, again.

Thanks for tuning in for the inaugural season of The Hatline Show. I told you that I’d be addressing some lighter topics. If you hate football, think gambling ruins lives, or believe that the Lions are going to be better than .500 this season, let me know. Next time, I promise to talk about my favorite subject in the entire world, beer. And remember if you see it on the internet, it must be true.