Man, It’s been a while since we’ve seen this movie. Michael Bay had to dig way back to the 1979 smash hit Peter Graves (of Biography) engine “Parts: The Clonus Horror” to come up with this plot. Yes, that’s right kiddies; it’s another “cloning is bad” scaremonger flick. I won’t get too much into the plot since Parts was so huge everyone knows it. But in a nutshell, Ewan McGregor (Lincoln Six Echo) and Scarlett Johansson (Jordan Two Delta) (of Lost in Translation fame) are two clones that fall in love (but don’t really know it) and escape from the organ farm. Their main goal – to find their “owners” and show them that they’re real people too. Seeing that these folks just laid out 5 million smackers to have a healthy live liver, heart and lungs grown for ‘em you can imagine how sympathetic they are when their “Insurance Policies” come knocking on their door.

This film has one thing going for it: product placement! Man, it was sponsored by Amtrak, Microsoft, Cadillac and lots, lots more. Since the movie was basically filmed in small segments between Lincoln hauling Jordan’s ass from one death defying scene to the next it was really like a long series of commercial vignettes. When Tom Lincoln (the owner of Lincoln Six Echo – see the connection?) allows Lincoln to drive his Caddie he pauses for a good fifteen minutes giving a rundown of the car for the audience, I like a movie that has time to let you get “under the hood” so to speak, really take time and inspect the spark plugs, check the rings and make sure the timing belt is on just right…

The film did have its moments though. Lots of action, the effects were stunning as were all of the CGI backdrops. While the acting wasn’t really all that spectacular, Ewan just had to play his earnest kid role (see Big Fish) and Scarlett really didn’t have do anything other than look pretty, there were some excellent smaller parts. First was as Michael Duncan (John Coffey from The Green Mile) in possibly the best scene in the film where he, a clone, runs down a hospital hallway crying like a little girl while smashing orderlies through windows. It was both funny and sad and very powerful. Another cameo was that of Ethan Phillips (Neelix from Star Trek: Voyager) I mostly mention it because I sat through the whole movie thinking “Now I know that’s not Terry Gilliam, and it’s not Wallace Shawn so who the heck is that?” He plays Lincoln’s good friend and does a pretty good job with a couple of unwitting one-liners (as the clones are about to be gassed “You’re not very good at this are you? Is it your first day?”)

In the end, I have to admit, the film was pretty fun. I think I might have had just as much fun making fun of the lame attempt at warning us of “the perils of cloning” as I do the intense action of rocket-cycle-through-the-crowded-skyway and into a building that was very reminiscent of another Ewan McGregor film. It’s a bit long, but unless you bought the 120 oz double soda with the instant refill, you probably won’t have time to notice.

Dave can be reached at dkerr@detroitbuzz.com .