"He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches” stated Shaw once more. Well, here starteth the lesson.

Sucking on a fag
It’s innocent, a pastime, a habit even, but certainly not a thing of shame for hidden passageways (no pun intended). Simply - a fag in the UK is a cigarette, and sucking on one or twenty a day is not a prerequisite to joining Elton John’s fan club. Taking one through the backdoor for an illicit 5 minutes of tension satisfy craving sating need is not a reason for arrest.

Spunky
A common American word for spiritedness or eager willingness – nothing wrong with that you think. In the UK spunky, and all its variations, refers to the nocturnal emissions of a pubescent male and/or any member of the Jackson family named Michael. Baby-gravy, man-juice, jizz etc. is what we call spunk in the UK – a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘that chorister is a little spunky,’ stated the Cardinal.

Fanny
This would be the area of high interest to most fag-suckers (US). Conversely, in England a fanny is in fact the female anatomical ‘difference’ found on the front of the body. This brings into question the term ‘spanking your fanny’, something rarely heard in the UK outside of your local S&M club.

Bang
An interesting part of your hair in the US. In the UK when we bang, we are engaged in sexual intercourse (authors note: sex in the UK is practiced in a very serious manner i.e. separate rooms, lights on and fully clothed). Again, a visit to a local UK barbershop will rarely illicit the question ‘how do you want your bangs?'

Cockney rhyming slang
There are lots of words that make up cockney rhyming slang. These are basically rhyming words like "butchers hook" which means "look". If you are in London and you hear someone talk about a Septic they are probably talking about you - because it's short for "Septic tank" which equals "yank", which is our word for an American.

Biggie
We Europeans are known for our toilet humor. Biggie is one such term derived from the size of the ‘beast’ usually exclaimed by a minor i.e. “Dad, that was a reeeeal biggie I just did’. This would explain why Wendy’s has met so much resistance in the UK, as we rarely want anything biggy-sized.

Goolies
If you have been kicked in the goolies, your eyes would be watering and you would be clutching your balls!

Blow me
Hmmm, well you see, in England, blow me is the shortened term for blow me down, being an expression of surprise. In the US, for some unknown reason, I would get fired by my boss if I surprised him in such a fashion.

Slapper
I know not what the term for a promiscuous lady in the US is, however a lady who has had one or two too many gentleman callers into her bedroom in the UK is termed a slapper on account of any sexual intercourse with same, would have the male anatomy slapping from side to side due to the enlarged/stretched arena he is playing in.

Bollocks
This is a great English word with many excellent uses. Technically speaking it means testicles but is typically used to describe something that is no good (that's bollocks) or that someone is talking rubbish (he's talking bollocks). Surprisingly it is also used in a positive manner to describe something that is the best, in which case you would describe it as being "the dog's bollocks" (if a dog can lick them all day, then surely it has to be good). A recent addition to the bollocks cast is “top bollocks” associated with the female mammary glands.

There are literally hundreds of ‘differences’ between our common language – most can be found on the ‘Net, but the few examples listed have been used/caused embarrassment to me during my time here. Thus the lesson endeth.