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Leave Brett Farve Alone

Written by Jeff Hatline

Wednesday, 06 August 2008

After all, he "just wants to play football," right? Right? Brett Farve... leave US alone. You've been holding the Packers hostage for years, but you've finally succeeded on holding the rest of football loving Americans hostage now as well. I think I speak for the rest of us when we say stop. We can't take anymore Farvecenter, Pardon the Farve-terruption, and Around the Farve. You're driving us nuts. Except for the guys that are considering you as a keeper on their fantasy squads, no one outside of Green Bay cares anymore. You wanted to come back, then you wanted to start, then you wanted to be traded, then you wanted to compete for the Packers starting QB spot, then you wanted to be traded to the NFC North only (as long as it's the Bears or Vikings), then you want to part ways with the team, then you say it's OK to be traded to the Bucs, or the Jets, or wherever.

Let's not forget about the $20 million marketing deal that the Packers offered for you to go away. Take the deal Brett, just go away! Look, you were probably the greatest quarterback to ever play the game. You have a Super Bowl win, you have all the records, you have a ton of money. I know you "just want to play football," but what was so bad about sitting at home and counting your cash and spending time with your family? If you just want to play and you want to be in the NFC North (which I assume is because you are already familiar with the opposing defenses), I hope Green Bay trades you to the Lions. It's a win-win. You get to stay up here, the Packers know you'll never be able to hurt them and we get to see how badly you just want to play. My bet? You'll probably retire again two games in, because, if any team can break a players spirit, it's the Lions. Just look at Charles Rodgers He turned to drugs. And what about Mike Williams? He turned to cheeseburgers. Jon Kitna turned to God and even God can't save him!

For years we've been playing the is he or isn't he retirement game. Finally, you retired. We get your teary-eyed press conference. Whaaa, whaaa, it's so hard to leave. Then why did you? And more importantly, why are you back now? Brett, you're a prima donna. You love the attention. You love the adoring idiots who wait in a lightning storm for your plane to arrive. You love the cheeseheads who try to snap a cell phone picture as your tinted window Escalasde drives by, then rush over to make reservations at Brett Farve's Steakhouse (by the way, you do grill a mean fillet). We're not all cheeseheads though Brett and we're tired of it. I want to be able to watch ESPN again without seeing your name constantly running across the bottom line. I want you to make a decision and stick to it. But, most of all I want to know... should I like, keep you on my fantasy team, or what?

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