My City Buzz - What's YOUR Buzz??? - Growing is Hard to Do

Home

Walking is So Pedestrian

Growing is Hard to Do

Written by Bohb

Monday, 04 February 2008

I'm not sure if it started with the purchase of my new Remington Personal Trimmer or when I fool heartedly read an entire Details magazine, but once the seed was planted it was inevitable that I would follow through.

To be fair I had purchased the Remington Personal Trimmer to trim nose hairs. It had a new format I found very appealing, looking more like a shrubbery trimmer with a vertical hair hacking blade than the traditional circular penetrating shape I’d become familiar with in past models. This new tool in my arsenal haunted me with untapped capabilities, and as I read the Details magazine with its tips, articles and how-to’s on the new standards of men’s personal grooming I couldn’t shake the seductive calling of my little trimmer. Its virginal state of nose grooming exclusivity was like a schoolgirl who only grants hand jobs. It was time to take this little Remington tease ‘all the way.’

I prepared my master bath like a 70s disco seduction pad, with the lighting, prepared oils and drawn bath of a seasoned lothario. I was tentative as I wielded my weapon against pubis and gave the target area a loving pat of soothing comfort to tell it (them?, him??) that everything would be ok. I preemptively winced as the blade touched down for the first time, landing somewhere mid taint. Yes as the light tickle of the blades easily sliced through the undergrowth I found the feeling not unpleasant, acceptable - dare I say enjoyable? It was so.

Before no time I was hacking through with little concern, wielding my saw tooth blade against any rooted follicle. Sending red puffy tumbleweeds flowing across the tile floor like a Nevada dessert populated by ginger kids.

I encountered my first stylistic conundrum. If you start going hairless in some areas, but intend on maintaining some level of pubic island above your hero, what is the technique for executing the perfect ‘fade’? Needless to say, this became a game of evening and trimming that did result, as one could assume, in a smaller island than intended… yet an acceptably symmetric shape. It was after a rousing (get it?) success in the design overall that I went in to attack the fine detail. Trimming wayward strand here, taking back a layer there. As I went in for some fine point work in the oh-so-sensitive underside of the shaft, just under the Vader helmet, that I felt it. A little nick (if your name is Nick I’m not referring to you here but to a small prick (wait, I’m not saying small prick I’m saying a little tiny cut)).

I winced, both from the slight pain but also in trepidation of looking upon my non-handiwork. Upon investigation it was but a small wound, a tiny skin laceration – but it did result in a teensy, tiny bit of blood (by the way, the danger is not lost on me in usage of so many words that describe smallness given the genre and protagonist of this story, I trust that the reader gives my genitalia the benefit of the doubt here).

I dabbed the wound, I took a shower, I put a squirt of Neosporin on the area and went about my day. I figured this level of wound would haunt me for no more than the afternoon. What I hadn’t counted on was human physiology.

You see a man’s penis does not displace the same mass at all times, it’s outward shape can have drastic differences throughout a typical daily adventure – the most polar of the two being the famous states of flaccid and erect. If you don’t know through personal experience, trust me on this one. You see, the reason I bring this ‘up’ (get it?) is… I achieved my wound while flaccid. The wound bled and clotted while flaccid. A small but existent scab formed while flaccid. This caused a problem when I inevitably became erect.

>You see, when the penis becomes erect all that extra outer skins becomes taut, pulling to its greatest stretched ability. Scabs do not stretch, and when you ask them to do so they tear, rip and hurt. Yes, I’m sorry to give you this visual, but it is true. Every erection was accompanied by scab tearing and differing degrees of penis focused pain.

We condition ourselves through response, and for many years my internal thoughts linked erections to good feelings. Yet here I was on a multi daily basis associating my erection with penile pain, with penis scab ripping, with penis blood. I did not want to learn this as my own special Pavlovian response.

This is the point in the story where I’m supposed to tell you, dear reader, that all is well. I cannot do so. I write this a full 5 days after the wounding, and I am still involved in daily scab tear. It is sad, so sad. Empathize, shed some tears - wince. It will one day heal. .

No one has commented on this article.

< Prev		Next >