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The Ear Bud Impasse

Written by Bohb

Wednesday, 19 September 2007

I was en route to O’Hare, flying to Los Angeles to catch Wired Magazine’s NextFest. I rode the El train out to the airport and as typical on such a ride was enjoying music on my iPod. The song at this particular moment funneling to my ears via my Skullcandy ear bud headphones (that I procured from the gifting suite of the CK1 lounge during Lolla, see my other story) was a second immediate repeat listen of ‘Some Weird Sin’ by Iggy Pop, god I love that song.

I moved my arm, shifting my shoulder bag in a very common method, yet somehow ungracefully caught a button on the cord of the ear buds. The movement resulting in a violent removal of the gadget from my biological aural input (my ears). This was momentarily shocking, ears being sensitive as they are I’ll admit it kind of hurt. I recovered from my insulting injury to myself and reached down to grab my dangling ear buds which were now unfortunately residing on the not so clean public transport train car floor. As I made movement to replace these elements back into my ear, hopefully in time to hear that Iggy Pop feels like a ‘bug stuck on a pin’ I realized what would turn into a somewhat significant issue.

One ear bud (let’s call it the left) had its little rubber bit still attached; the other (which I quickly realized had been the bud in my right ear) did not. I tentatively reached into my ear with my fingers, probing for information. There it was, the rubber bit was still in my ear. It wasn’t comfortable. I made my first mistake (arguably second as the violent removal wasn’t a good idea, but really that was an accident – this upcoming move was made on purpose, yet without enough thought), I attempted to grab that little rubber bit out of my narrow ear canal with my obviously too large digits. Elementary as it was I did not predict the outcome of this gesture, the rubber bit was pushed deeper into my ear. Discomfort magnified, sound was isolating in that ear now and my equilibrium was partially affected. I didn’t feel completely balanced and was starting to get concerned. Certainly there would be an easy way to get this out.

I stayed in this state, promising myself a solution when I arrived at the airport. Upon perusal of the airport map at O’Hare the legend dictated a medical center in Terminal 2. My flight however was in Terminal 1, and while I was not at risk of missing my flight with normal routes, I did not find myself in possession of a luxury allotment of time to go to the wrong terminal, seek professional removal and still make it back to my flight. There had to be a first aid station at the United terminal right? Wrong. I asked at the information center and was confirmed, the only center was in Terminal 2. I continued toward check-in, still optimistic I would find a solution, even as the discomfort mounted. I couldn’t decide if I was imagining it, but it seemed that the muscles in my ear were possibly moving the rubber bit further in, absorbing it into my brain. I wasn’t sure, but all felt odd. This was further exacerbated by the continued lack of balance and focus as my unfairly and unequally blocked ears were causing inner ear and inner brain confusion, this was bad.<

In my weakened state I still found myself making typical thoughts for myself, the prominent being ‘I wonder if I lose my hearing in this accident if a lawsuit could be had, what is the hearing of a musician worth? How about one who doesn’t do well?’… hmmm…

I made it through security, probably looking a bit out of sorts, but then again when have I gone through airport security not looking out of sorts. I have a certain state I like to be in for airline travel. On the other side of the security I saw a solution, in hindsight this was yet another bad idea. A Starbucks. Coffee stirrers. Probing devices. Yes I did, I stuck it in my ear thinking I could hook it and dislodge the rubber bit; yet again I was sorely mistaken. This move resulted in yet further deepening the foreign object, now it was really starting to hurt. I was getting rather panicky.

I saw a policeman and quickly gave him my story, hoping he could find me an emergency first aid center. While explaining to me that the only first aid center was in Terminal 2 he looked into my ear. “Sure enough” he said, he could see it in there. He seemed genuine that he WANTED to help me, but as he pointed out – he had no tweezers. Just as he was directing me to miss my flight and head to Terminal 2 I heard my name.

"Bohb?” I looked up. Sharon Bronstein. I work with Sharon; she was here – someone who would help! “Sharon!” I yelled, perhaps too enthusiastically, she looked a bit shocked “do you have tweezers?” After a momentary look of confusion followed by a longer momentary look of contemplation she announced that she indeed did have a pair of tweezers in her carry on. Sweet bliss. I retold my story for the third time; she looked mildly amused, vaguely concerned and not a little bit worried about my intended role for her in this adventure. But I persuaded her over to a seating area and she rummaged through her bag, producing a metallic pair of tweezers. She offered them to me. “No” I said, “Sharon, I need you to get this thing out of my ear for me”. Now she looked uncomfortable. I mean, sure we are friends at work, but I don’t think we had crossed the personal boundary of her really wanting to venture into my ear or soil her tweezers on any potential ooze that may be in there. She offered a few excuses and options – but the panic in my eyes and pleading quickly won her over. I laid my head down upon that airport seat, and Nurse Sharon tentatively ventured into my ear with her tweezers. I felt the rubber bit moving a bit, first just a tad further in (PANIC!) then she had purchase, and… it was out! Oh my goodness, the relief. Balance restored, hearing rushing in! I was ecstatic. I gave her a big hug (that was likely unwelcome, but I was so happy!) and thanked her profusely. My humanity restored we each ventured our own way, me to Los Angeles – her to… somewhere.

Within 15 minutes I rummaged in my bag and without thought put my iPod back on (and requisite ear buds), it’s not like I was going to learn a lesson or anything right?

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